(As per Ashley's request, I'm posting this now instead of tomorrow. You lucky dogs, you.)
To make up for the fact that I didn't post for a while, here's a list of real things that, while I SERIOUSLY QUESTION their necessity or validity, are actually happening in Hollywood. Where I am able I have linked to a news article or IMDB page to prove that there is, in fact, some shit even I can't make up.
Hobo With A Shot Gun (I know, this is old news, but WHY)
Men in Black III (Will Smith, you are a quality actor with a dynasty-esque family. Do you really feel the need to inflict this on us? Because even though I WANT it to be an apology for MIB2, you know it will just hurt my feelings more.)
Piranha 3DD (Was one D not enough? Also, David Hasselhoff is in it. That was a gift for you guys.)
Dominion: Dinosaurs vs. Aliens (Don't lie, you think this sounds kind of awesome. But it still gets a REALLY? stamp because this whole "versus" crap is now squarely in "self-parody" territory.)
Final Destination 5 (Apparently they're spelling the title with a 5 replacing every "a." I...I can't, you guys. And I LIKED the first one.)
Human Centipede volumes 2 and 3 (Here I'll just take the opportunity to refer you back to my previous entry, Human Centi-WHUT)
Tomb Raider reboot (This is so ridiculous I can't even be witty about it.)
Django Unchained (Just watch the movies referenced in this article that Tarantino lists as his "inspirations," and you'll have seen this film. Dear Tarantino: I am over you.)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (The most hilarious thing about this is that James Franco is in it. I thought he was too much of a ~special snowflake~ to do a cheesy reboot of a cheesy remake of a terrible sci-fi movie.)
Oh, HOLLYWOOD.
To make up for the fact that I didn't post for a while, here's a list of real things that, while I SERIOUSLY QUESTION their necessity or validity, are actually happening in Hollywood. Where I am able I have linked to a news article or IMDB page to prove that there is, in fact, some shit even I can't make up.
Hobo With A Shot Gun (I know, this is old news, but WHY)
Men in Black III (Will Smith, you are a quality actor with a dynasty-esque family. Do you really feel the need to inflict this on us? Because even though I WANT it to be an apology for MIB2, you know it will just hurt my feelings more.)
Piranha 3DD (Was one D not enough? Also, David Hasselhoff is in it. That was a gift for you guys.)
Dominion: Dinosaurs vs. Aliens (Don't lie, you think this sounds kind of awesome. But it still gets a REALLY? stamp because this whole "versus" crap is now squarely in "self-parody" territory.)
Final Destination 5 (Apparently they're spelling the title with a 5 replacing every "a." I...I can't, you guys. And I LIKED the first one.)
Human Centipede volumes 2 and 3 (Here I'll just take the opportunity to refer you back to my previous entry, Human Centi-WHUT)
Tomb Raider reboot (This is so ridiculous I can't even be witty about it.)
Django Unchained (Just watch the movies referenced in this article that Tarantino lists as his "inspirations," and you'll have seen this film. Dear Tarantino: I am over you.)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (The most hilarious thing about this is that James Franco is in it. I thought he was too much of a ~special snowflake~ to do a cheesy reboot of a cheesy remake of a terrible sci-fi movie.)
Oh, HOLLYWOOD.
The biggest problem I have with Planet of the Apes is that its a terrible adaptation of a decent sci-fi novel. It's French and explores the inherent classism and caste systems of society. But no, chimps with guns on horseback is close enough for Hollywood.
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