Super Bowl Trailer Spots

This was actually a lot more work than I thought it was going to be - I wanted it to be my straight-up first impressions, so I haven't re-watched any of these. In the future when I'm watching them off the Apple site, my analysis will probably end up being more in-depth (not to mention more accurate) than these, because I wrote these up quick while I could still remember everything I'd just seen. And these were definitely teaser spots, nothing more than about 30 seconds of footage. But they were super fun, so this will definitely become a regular feature.

Trailers!

COWBOYS & ALIENS
Initial impressions: GUN TWIRLING, flashy lights, explosions. Naked Olivia WIlde (in some kind of ritual? Whut), dusty deserts, golden text. Teal and orange color palate (as per usual now, it seems), torches, FIRE EVERYWHERE. Peeks of the tech, nothing overwhelming, but a good taste.

Let me tell you why I'm excited about this movie: the wild west is the perfect backdrop for science fiction. It's stark, alien, Mars-like in its scenery; the technological bits and pieces we get to see in this trailer (Craig's wrist cuff, that weird centipede craft, the hovering blue lights) seem to fit right into the orange and reds and scruffy landscape. It's a great opportunity to combine futuristic elements with a gun-slinging story. And almost no one gets it right. Jonah Hex was a TERRIBLE movie, that Will Smith thing (link insert here) was only ok. Firefly is wonderful, or course, but its visual Western aspects aren't consistently present. But this film? This film has promise (italics). Great cast, great effects (from what we've seen), and a director that knows his way around explosions. Sign me up.

CAPTAIN AMERICA
Fucking amazing. The perfect opening teaser - we see Steve Rogers start as a skinny little shit and get pumped full of drugs, he comes out of this weird pod all ripped up and disoriented. One or two WWII boot camp shots, and then BAM! The Captain in full uniform in front of a column of American soldiers. We get his shield as unpainted and shining plate, full color and perfect, and then bullet-pocked and worn. One shot of stealth jet, which tells me they're not staying in WWII time - I THINK Red Skull is the main villain, so maybe they'll take us to the present at the very end? I heard a rumor that they're doing the "frozen in ice" thing to take Rogers to the present.

I was never a Captain fan as a comic reading kid, but this trailer has me PUMPED. Chris Evans definitely looks the part, and it looks like they've captured the spirit and costuming without getting kitschy. I can't wait.

TRANSFORMERS 3: Dark of the Moon
EPIC. Slow mo action, Wacker Drive, NO MEGAN FOX. I LOVE that Michael Bay has slowed the Transformer fights so that I can actually see what's happening - fights are so much better when they're being staged by giant robots. Lots of slow motion leaping on the part of the robots, no transforming sequences which was kinda sad, but it was only about 20 seconds of film.

Honestly? I'm obviously excited about this, since I can't put into words how much loved the first one, but the second disappointed me. It had all the glitz and none of the elegance of composition of the first one. If Bay can reign it in a little, restrain his natural inclination for explosions enough to let the charm of the robots shine through (and you're lying to me if you tell me you don't think Optimus and Bumblebee are charming), then it could really be a hit.

SUPER 8
Train crash, dirty boys running, flamethrowers, Karl Urban? Panicking, some sort of narration that I couldn't hear because the volume was too low. I honestly had NO IDEA what film this was until the very end credits, which I guess is a good thing?

People who liked Cloverfield are probably excited about this one, I'm really not. I didn't like Cloverfield, I never watched LOST; I loved Star Trek, but it wasn't an Abrams story, so I don't think it counts. Super 8, though, looks like something I'd enjoy (explosions, allusions to aliens, etc.) and I can't really tell why I'm not excited. I don't have any patience for Abrams' SUPREME MYSTERY approach when it comes to trailers, but this actually showed me something, so I don't understand my ambivalence towards the film - maybe it's just how disappointed I was with Cloverfield. We'll see how I feel if they release trailers with more to them.

FAST AND THE FURIOUS 5
More of the same. Fast cars, Paul Walker, Vin Diesel. Apparently in Rio de Janeiro now? Sure, why not. The most noteworthy part of this was that the producers seem to have stolen the footage of the huge Jesus statue in Rio from 2012.

My sources (the internet, my boyfriend) tell me that The Rock will feature in this, but from this trailer you wouldn't know it. A waste, since seeing Diesel and The Rock in the same film is pretty much the biggest draw for me. (I LOVED the first three of these. The fourth was kinda lame.)

THOR
The opening narration by Anthony Hopkins is a nice touch. Hurling hammers, thunder storms, pretty predictable stuff. I think at this point we've all seen the Thor trailer, and there's not much new here. Seeing a quiet interlude between Portman and Helmsworth is nice, because I'm a little surprised every time I remember she's in this movie. Mainly I'm glad for that because it means she won't be Lois Lane in the next Superman flick. I like the roaring monster near the end, although it looks a little too much like a J.J. Abrams creation, and every monster he makes looks the same.

I have no emotional attachment to Thor as a super hero, so all this movie has to do for me to be on board is not be boring. So far it looks like it won't disappoint.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
It's The Johnny Depp Show, obviously. Boats, tropics, Penelope Cruz. Some guy playing Blackbeard, but all I can think of it Geoffrey Rush. More natives, probably cannibals, and one REALLY cool shot of Blackbeard's ship.

I'm tired of this franchise, guys. The first one was SO GOOD, the second two were SO BAD, and I'm not enamored enough with Jack Sparrow to bring myself to care. And this one does not look like it's offering anything new.

RANGO
Man, that baby opossum is ugly. Johnny Depp is somehow more interesting as a gecko than a pirate, they're in a desert, HOLY SHIT MARIACHI OWLS.

The best part of this trailer was the mariachi owl band. And how freaking ugly Depp's gecko's shirt is. I don't have a lot to say about this, I'm much more excited about Rio.

RIO
Speak of the devil! BIRDS EVERYWHERE, candy animation, fun cha cha music. I think Jesse Eisenberg is the voice of the main parrot? I gotta find out what species the animators think he is, because not even hyacinth macaws are THAT blue.

The animation looks gorgeous. It's candy colored, kinda hazy so it looks really dream like. I think it's about a bird escaping from captivity into the rain forest? So there will be lots of colors and a lush landscape for the story to play out in front of. It looks like it could be a really winner for DreamWorks, which is good as it's following How To Train Your Dragon and we all know how I feel about THAT one. HOLY DICKS, this is FOX MOVIES? Shows how much attention I was paying - is it weird that this just makes me MORE excited about it? The idea that Fox Movies might actually have made a good animated film?

(I can't BELIEVE I thought that was DreamWorks. I could have edited this for you to save my pride, but I didn't. SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.)

LIMITLESS
Bradley Cooper is a mess and then he's not, lots of glitzy images, numbers holy shit, I love Robert DeNiro. The signature line seems to be "It puts me 50 moves ahead of you," and I'm really trying to get over how much I don't like Bradley Cooper but it just isn't happening.

It looks shiny with a tremendously predictable plot line. Here's my prediction: Cooper takes the drug, is wildly successful, has a run in with DeNiro, violence happens, Cooper is left in the end without his drug powers but deciding he can lead a better life without them. Or he dies. Actually, if he dies, the film might actually retain an interesting element. Knowing what I do I'm not interested.